Julianne Zoviar Clunne

“I am so much more . . . . . than . . . . that which I am not!”

One Breath

The very nearness of you took my breath away

        So you gave me some of yours

I liked it….wanted more

           So I gave you some of mine

We began a dance in the air between us

   Not quite a tango …beyond tango

I wanted to kiss you

          It would have broken the rhythm

Stopped the rising

         Maybe a part of me didn’t want to go

beyond my safe memories

   The biggest part of me is brave tho

Not feeble … she’s fearless …

 

So I stayed with your lead

              Matched you in the only way I know how

Completely

 

It was a new place I went to with you

   Beyond yesterdays and tomorrows and what if’s

A place I no longer existed

            I had become part of the all…the IsnessI suspect

But I wasn’t scared ..

                      I knew you were there

 

It felt like love …not my love or your love

                 This was not a love that could be owned

 Or located

 

I felt like I was in you and you were in me

       There was no reference of separation

             There was no separation

And for a time nothing was impossible

  Maybe I was in the realm of infinite possibilities !

 

I liked it .

 


 

Fading

I knew it would happen

  Sooner or later

And it has

You are starting to fade

 

Tiny bits of you go

blown away

like fairydust

off of three year olds cheeks

 

you crashed my world

like a tidal wave

you swept my knees out

from under me you did

 

I remember to hold my breath

 and pray because of you

and I remember I am

beyond mortal

 

 I turn around

to look for you

I have forgotten

what you smell like

 

I went to the desert

to dry out my soul

and fill my lungs with air

after my fall

 

I still remember your mouth

A little

And your hands

A little

 

But not your voice

I love your voice

Whenever I hear it I feel safe

But I can’t remember it

 

I know it is

For the best

Inevitable

To be expected

 

So that one day

I will not remember

That I met you

And you did not remember me

 


A THOUSAND MILLION MOMENTS

All my life I knew

Knew it was possible

Had faith I would know it again

Never expected it to happen the way it did

 

Beyond whatever promises

the future tempts

I am complete now

Because we met

 

You may not remember

Tis no matter

I had my moments in timeless

Space with you

 

Not something one can capture

With a camera

Or words that quietly steal

The profoundness

 

This yesterday

I stood in a rockpool with you

Embraced in friendship

Softly still in each others arms

 

No need

No wanting

Nothing was missing

You surprised me

 

I sent you love into your heart

As is my habit

You broke your habit

by sending love into mine

 

I felt it

It shocked me

Took me

Unawares

 

You pulled yours from above

I pulled mine from below

And our hearts spoke

 a simple truth to each other

 

We have no future

I have no need

Of vision board pictures

I can not walk into

 

But that yesterday

We made history

We changed the world

You may not know it but I do

 

A thousand million moments

Shot out into the cosmos

Because heaven and earth embraced

And time could not contain it

 


 

TILL NOW
 

 I did not realize till now

How much love can steal ones dreams

Till you were gone

And so were they

 

I did not realize till now

How much I planned my life around you

All we could be together

Now meaningless

 

I did not realize till now

How small I had become

A mere fragment of the “us”

That is no more

 

I did not realize till now

How far I had fallen

Till I looked up

and you were not there

 

I did not realize till now

How fragile the future is

Till it was void of you

And I stood alone in it

 

I did not realize till now

Why I left you

I left you to find me

Beyond your shadow

 

I did not realize till now

Love does not steal dreams

Love steels our hearts

For even bigger dreams


BEYOND YOU

 

I never thought I would love another beyond you

Till he entered my life

I never guessed you were anything but my last great love

Till he stepped in to vie for that title

 

They say you never know when love begins

But you always know the moment it ends

My love for you knows no end

It has merely changed its hold over me

 

And hold me you did

Enmeshed in a one-way love affair

That took me down detours and dead ends

and cliffs that forced leaps of faith to be leapt

 

I suspect I enjoyed the challenge

Back then when I was more naïve

Testing myself against very bad odds

You always won tho , I never did

 

I told myself it was never about winning

Told myself I was getting what I wanted

Getting to love you

And man did I get to love you

 

You taught me what it is to love someone

Who can never return that love

In the early days I probably believed my love

Would heal you , it never did that I know of

 

Strangely it healed something in me

Can’t quite put my finger on it …

Something about letting go of the childish notion

That love should have a tit for tat scoreboard

 

Our scoreboard was so unbalanced

I eventually burnt it to the ground

Laughing as I did my torching

Knowing it had to go

 

I walked out of your life with a blank slate

Knowing I could not have loved you any better

Knowing I was completely at peace with having given you

All my best shots over those years

 

Friends have never understood

My lack of malice towards you

But those friends never understood

The power of the love I got to express because of you

 

An easy love does not always make a powerful heart

They say “ What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

Loving you came close to killing me more than once

Hence I have a very tenacious heart, very tenacious..

 

Forever grateful is how I feel at having loved you so deeply

Maybe you would have preferred me not to love you

But you could never stop me

You could not love yourself or me

But you could never stop me doing both

 

I wonder sometimes if I made a deal

to hold your hand thru those hard times

Keep you alive for long enough

Till she got there

 

I hope she’s there now